The Saving School

The exam I took last April 4, 2014 was a success. You know why? As I mentioned in my previous post, I was sleepless, continuously travelling for two days and never even reviewed but thank God, I got a 92 while the highest in the country got a 99. Overall, I say I was blessed, I mean, it was a national qualifying exam for med school. I just had to take it again because of the set backs.

Anyway, after having no requirements at the moment, the secretary of this State University's College of Medicine and Surgery was shocked that the very strict and not-so-smiling registrar smiled at me and allowed me to enroll despite my lapses. Oh well, what matters now is that I'm enrolled and that I'm getting myself 5 sets of uniform for the 5 weekdays so i don't go crazy over laundry.

The best things about this new school is the fact that it is way cheaper and belongs to the top 10 outstanding medical schools in the country. I was aiming for one of the rank 1's but my dad didn't want me to so okay, fine.

The next thing on my list is to finish and get a license while getting real fit and flying immediately to the USA, work things out and do whatever it takes to be a thoraco-vascular surgeon and enlisted as a corpsman specializing in undersea diving medicine. Imagine, how awesome is this? Step by step, things are falling into place. I know it's quite silly since it won't be until about 5 years but hey, I keep moving forward with God's help and my capablity plus my parents' support. Indeed, nothing is impossible. The best part of processing and preparing  for this  enrollment is when one of the people there, after checking my credentials and after evaluating my interview said, "You are a good material for this institution." Aghast, I blushed, feeling blood through my face, I thanked her and left.

As for the last school I was in, I had to totally abandon it if it meant abandoning uncertainty. My future, my ambition and my goals don not deserved to be played like poker in the casino, they deserve a well organized, step by step plan with some room for surprises that may improve them with the help of a credible and secured institution.

To God be the  glory of my success and to Him do I offer my sacrifices.

Positive and Relaxed this Summer While Processing the Requirements for Enrollment

I Miss My Superman

It is such a shame that I am longing for someone so far away that the only way i could hold him is when one of us flies halfway around the world. Also, it is insane for me to start dropping my I.Q. and let my heart decide to fall for someone virtually. Well, I can't blame my heart because it knows for sure that the guys its falling for is the almost-perfect description of my prince charming.

Although, communication ended due to some cyber set backs, the effect on me lasted to the point that I became determined and since I have no choice, patience became a virtue, my virtue.

Indeed, as the song "Waiting for Superman" by Daughtry goes, "If life was a movie then, it wouldn't end like this, left without a kiss."

It was so real yet so unreal. Could you virtually make a connection and then let real feelings manifest? This is a question that seem so irrational but is possible and is happening,

I couldn't and I wouldn't prefer to forget the short time we spoke on video call. Crazy as I may seem, the truth is, I keep remembering him, I keep thinking of him and I don't seem to want to forget.

I know where to find you but I won't because I can't. My guts are pushed back and that elegant arrogance kicks in. This is mind boggling, this is absurd, this is insanity but at the same time, this is the cause of a strong idealism, a driving force that makes quitting impossible.

Funny, when I see him, I always though, I'll be walking up to him and say, "I could have fallen in love with you. Maybe I did and maybe I still do" and before he can respond, I'll be walking away so I wouldn't hear what he has to say about it.

It has been more than a month that I haven't seen or talked to you but still, you play through my mind like a sweet sounding melody, too adherent to forget and too beautiful to replace.

I wish I'm in North California so I we can just see each other all the time

See you when I'll see you, Corporal.

If life was a movie then, it wouldn't end like this, left without a kiss.

My Version of PTSD

Since the chaos caused by the school I was enrolled in, I can't sleep properly thinking, "What if this other school doesn't accept me because my NMAT* result came in late?"; "What if, 18 days from now, when the online results come out and I see that I don't pass the NMAT or make the cut off for most schools?" A lot of "what if's" run through my mind now but just before I could finish even half of this paragraph, a friend called and told me that a respected and well-known doctor guaranteed my slot  as long as I make the cut off score.

Days after CHED* told us that we took the risk and wasted our time because no subject is credited and everything is void, my mind just went haywire! That single and swift incident was traumatic. I keep thinking of possibilities and back up plans of back up plans. Everything was in chaos and everything was just driving me crazy so I had to take a connecting flight to my home city so I could worry  less about things. There, I was able to start this blog, there, I had friends to keep my mind off things and chat with love life and past experiences.

I flew connect from my city to Manila City and then  to Tuguegarao City. I arrived at 12:30P.M. in Tuguegarao City Airport, left my things from my home city, fixed some things, took a shower and then at 20:00, I had to be at the bus terminal to take a bus ride back to Manila City and it lasted a whopping 17 hours! When I and some friends got to Manila City, we each did different things and then at 6:00A.M. the next day, we had to be at the testing center. The test lasted until 14:30 and as soon as we were allowed to go home, I and one of my friends immediately took the bus that was leaving for Tuguegarao City at 19:30.

Imagine the hassle, imagine the effort and imagine the stress because I certainly can not! Now, I'm having a hard time sleeping and a lot is bothering me. I may not have been in a war where people are shot at but I am in a war where deception was the whole cause, vindicated and wasted, I can not help but feel anxious and worry.

Constant headaches, sleeplessness or uneasy sleeping, anxiety and mood swings, these are all adding up to the stress that has already been there. People have been telling me to relax but we all know it can't be avoided especially with the fact that I easily get anxious. I need no psychiatrist, I need security and I need to just continue and get on with a normal med life so I would feel better.

Sleepless and Worried

Disappointment From Halfway Around the World

tick tock: Your Spring is My Summer

Fear of feeling disappointed caused disappointment.

Sorry for this insipid sentiment,

But it's sad that we're halfway 'round the world apart.

How about crossing two oceans for a start?

You fuel my determination

And cause my dedication.

You became my motivation;

The reason behind this patience-requiring ambition.

Determination Stops at Nothing

From this point forward, I am making that decision of completing my mission, my mission that is my goal and my goal that is my dream no matter what happens.

...Sitting here in my favorite place in this coffee shop, looking at the adorable photos of my pup, Simar, thinking and reassessing the situation as I near the date of my departure. Realizing that I have no choice but to suck it up and just get on with it, I begin to lay out the things that I should do in order to get to where I should be.

In a more general perspective, my objective in becoming a thoraco-vascular surgeon is still at bay since everything got messed up and I had to repeat square one.The original plan is to graduate medicine, secure a license be a military doctor for the United States navy/marines while pursuing residency in T.C.V. surgery.

Since the school where I came from messed up, things just got worse. For example, in 4 days, I'll be taking this national qualifying exam for med school again 'coz the first one, though I scored high, expired and is invalid for transfer. I'm not interested of continuing in the same school because I am aware of how serious they messed up and how worse everything will be if after 4 years I am not allowed to take the board exam.

Since I am to transfer and I have to take this exam again, I must say that I am not prepared. It was a bit late already when we were made aware of the real situation so everything just had to be fast tracked. Though the administration is telling us that they are offering some assistance, nothing is clear and nothing is certain so I have to make my own  plans.

I'm taking that exam, I'm finishing med school, I'm taking that license and I'm going to be what's called a Medical Corp in the United States Military.

Standing at the tip of the Philippines, close to Taiwan