My Version of PTSD

Since the chaos caused by the school I was enrolled in, I can't sleep properly thinking, "What if this other school doesn't accept me because my NMAT* result came in late?"; "What if, 18 days from now, when the online results come out and I see that I don't pass the NMAT or make the cut off for most schools?" A lot of "what if's" run through my mind now but just before I could finish even half of this paragraph, a friend called and told me that a respected and well-known doctor guaranteed my slot  as long as I make the cut off score.

Days after CHED* told us that we took the risk and wasted our time because no subject is credited and everything is void, my mind just went haywire! That single and swift incident was traumatic. I keep thinking of possibilities and back up plans of back up plans. Everything was in chaos and everything was just driving me crazy so I had to take a connecting flight to my home city so I could worry  less about things. There, I was able to start this blog, there, I had friends to keep my mind off things and chat with love life and past experiences.

I flew connect from my city to Manila City and then  to Tuguegarao City. I arrived at 12:30P.M. in Tuguegarao City Airport, left my things from my home city, fixed some things, took a shower and then at 20:00, I had to be at the bus terminal to take a bus ride back to Manila City and it lasted a whopping 17 hours! When I and some friends got to Manila City, we each did different things and then at 6:00A.M. the next day, we had to be at the testing center. The test lasted until 14:30 and as soon as we were allowed to go home, I and one of my friends immediately took the bus that was leaving for Tuguegarao City at 19:30.

Imagine the hassle, imagine the effort and imagine the stress because I certainly can not! Now, I'm having a hard time sleeping and a lot is bothering me. I may not have been in a war where people are shot at but I am in a war where deception was the whole cause, vindicated and wasted, I can not help but feel anxious and worry.

Constant headaches, sleeplessness or uneasy sleeping, anxiety and mood swings, these are all adding up to the stress that has already been there. People have been telling me to relax but we all know it can't be avoided especially with the fact that I easily get anxious. I need no psychiatrist, I need security and I need to just continue and get on with a normal med life so I would feel better.

Sleepless and Worried